D-Cuppetry–Dance of the D Cups, April 11, 2006

D-Cuppetry–Dance of the D Cups 
by Emma Powell and Louise Steele

Melbourne Comedy Festival
 Trades Hall, April 11 to  May 7, 2006

Reviewer: Kate Herbert

What these two women can do with four boobs is amazing and a bit creepy too.

If you thought Puppetry of the Penis was a batty idea, wait till you see this. D-Cuppetry is the manipulation of bosoms to perform uses for which they were not designed or to represent objects to which they bear no resemblance.

Of course, the stunts Emma Powell and Louise Steele perform with their bosoms could not be done with, shall we say, youthful perky breasts. The manipulation requires a bit of flexibility, a degree of size (D or E cup) and a few years of gravity to make them viable, if you get my drift.

They begin with Everyone Loves Tits, a song that incorporates every slang name ever applied to breasts. Then we get to call out, “Show us your tits!” And they do.

Yes, the breasts are visible on stage but there is nothing terribly sexy about their appearances. They are twisted, like play-dough, into all sorts of uncomfortable shapes. The gasps and groans from women in the audience are audible.

After they remove the towelling bathrobes, the bosoms are on view being tortured for about an hour.

Their multiple uses in the home and at work are demonstrated. The dropping boob can be a replacement for the office stationery cupboard. Just secrete staplers, post-its and pens under them to hold securely and prevent theft.

Tuck socks under them and wave in the wind to replace the Hills Hoist and swish from side to side for the heavy-duty wash cycle of the Westinghouse. If you spill something on the kitchen bench, just whip out “Sponge-Boob” and wipe, or secure a dish underneath them for a dish-rack.

They can even serve a community policing purpose. Steele uses one as the nose of a sniffer dog searching for drugs. And, if you are looking for that unusual new job, the new version of a topless barmaid can pour a scotch from a bottle secured under a bosom or use them as a mini-bar.

There are “tit tips” for the sexually shy, for the woman who ants to wear a backless dress and there is a rather disturbing vision of “ the sound of one tit clapping”.

You will never, I mean never, see anything like this again. It is a hoot, or should I say hooter.

By Kate Herbert